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So you made it to the "Break
the Cycle" Page? Some people are here because they are curious. Some are here because they
want to make change. Some are here because they are worried about
someone else. Whatever the reason you stopped at this page, We are glad you are here. This Page is the TURNING POINT. JUST SO YOU KNOW..... There
are basically four types of abuse: Emotional, Physical, Sexual, Neglect. Of
the four types, the one that tends to have the longest lasting effect is emotional abuse. Most of the abuses involving physical
injuries can heal, but it is the emotional pieces that stay entrenched in our minds. Even in a physical attack, it is the
emotional things that linger, maybe something that was said, a the feeling of shame, anger hurt etc. that goes along with
the physical abuses. Abuse is all about POWER & CONTROL! The
person doing the abusing is trying to take away all your power and have complete control of the situation or person. Click
on this link to see some things an abuser may do to take someones Power
and Control. Want to start breaking the cycle of abuse? Right here? Right now? Okay, here it is...TAKE
BACK YOUR POWER! Now this does not mean go and get yourself into a fight with your abuser and overpower them...some
of you have tried that, it does not work. Here are your stepping stones to get started. #1 Make the choice to end the
cycle of violence right now. Tell youreslf you will not allow yourself to be an abusive person. That you will do whatever
it takes to heal from the past and take positve steps forward. This is the most important choice you have to make. #2 Realize
that you are not alone. It sometimes may feel that way. But look you are doing something right now aren't you? You are not
alone! #3 Reach out to someone...anyone. If no one else knows for sure what is going on, how can something be done about
it? This is often times a scary step..but it is a huge step. This is where you begin to realize you do have a voice and you
can make changes in your life. You can already begin to feel the power shifting as you begin to reach out. #4
Talk to someone about the abuse in your life. By talking about the abuses, we begin the process of ending the abuse and taking
back our power and we get to be back in control of our lives. Still unsure about what to do? Remember, it is up
to you to make a choice here..No one is going to tell you you have to do any of this stuff...That would be taking away your
power to do what is right for you. How about this, take a look at the "I need Guidance" page see if you can find
a number that works for you to call..ask a few questins and go from there? I bet you probably have somebody you can call and
talk to? We are glad you made it this far..the rest is up to you! As a Result of my abuse, what might I struggle with? Do I need to get some sort of help or is it enough to just
say " I have been abused" and move on? Some struggles that may arise or you may see include the
following: You may see some struggles with trusting others. You may always wonder, "Whats the catch" or "If
I don't, what will happen" in your mind you may question others motives. You may not trust others to follow
through. You may alwyas have your guard up wondering when the abuse is going to be coming. Even as an adult you might
be waiting for when is my boss going to yell at me or tell me I am wrong etc. You may have a hard time trusting yourself
and making the "right" decision. Remember, you are just starting to take back your power and you get to make decisions
for yourself, this can be scary, but trusting yourself to do what is right is an important piece of growing through your situation. You
may struggle with self -esteem/self-worth as well. You may find yourself not thinking you can do anything
right, so why should I try. You may think you are not worth the effort, It won't make a difference and what is the use. These
thoughts are all a reflection of how you feel about who you are inside. These are the thoughts that have been put into
your head by your abusers actions and words. These are the emotional scars. The scars that stay there long after the physical
stuff is done. These are the scars that are the hardest to heal and these are the scars that need someone elses help to heal.
Some may struggle with setting goals for themselves, both personal and proffesional goals. The feeling alot of times
is why set them, I won't make them and even if I do so what. Nobody cares if I reach them. You may reach a point that you
can set goals for yourself, but may have a hard time feeling good when you do reach them. It goes back to that esteem and
worth piece. Fitting in with others may be a struggle. Sometimes you may feel they cannot relate to you or they don't
know what is like to be you. So alot of times we would rather "Reject" them before they reject us. You have
alot of times learned to survive on your own, so the thought of joining a group of friends can be scary. Personal relationship
get kind of confusing as a result of being abused as well. Things creep into our minds like, "what happens if they
are abusive, what happens if I abuse them". "I don't deserve a relationship because I don't desrve to be happy".
You may think they will leave you once they know what has happened to you or that they may judge you. You see, there is alot
the goes on in every part of our lives as a result of being abused. It is alot to try to figure out on our own. That is why
you are here.Hopefully we can help you take the step to working through these things. Think of yourself for a second here
with your power back. You in control again or maybe for the first time
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The confusion of it all...Can it get better? For most this whole abuse thing is
an up and down rollercoaster ride, not only in what they actually physically go through each day, but in their minds. One
day, or even one minute, it is like a storm filled with anger, hatred, explosivness.. The next it is peaceful and calm.
Sometimes it is wondering why is this happening to me wasn't I a good baby? Where did I go wrong. Believing they can
not have their own family some day because they will treat their family the same way. And then it's moments
like now, sitting in front of a computer looking for a place to turn, maybe looking for help or talking to a friend seeking
help. It is a constant swirl in this persons mind. Our hope is to take a look at the "Cycle of Abuse"
and provide you a way to understand all this mixed up stuff in your life. To let you know there is a way out, there is hope
for you and a bright future can be ahead of you. It will take work, courage, vision and a belief in yourself. For those of
you here out of concern for others, Thank you for your concern. Please keep reading on, you are a valuable step in your friend
seeking help. The more you know, the better you are able to help your friend. Tell Me some more stuff about this "Cycle
of Abuse" As you acknowledge there is a problem, there are some things to want to keep in mind. When
talking with others, you may find yourself MINIMIZING the things that happened,
(Oh it was not big deal, it has been worse before). RATIONALIZING the behaviors, (Well,
I kind of did talk back and thats what happens at my house when you talk back). You may also find yourself choosing
to "Not remember" some things that have happened. After I realize and acknowledge there is
a problem, is there anything I need to know or beware of? You may begin to notice some different feelings. Anger
may surface. Anger over the fact that you have been abused. Anger over the fact that you think you should have done something
sooner. Anger that nobody else did anything. You may feel fear. Fear of being unsafe and frightened again about your abuser,
What will they do? Fear of the unknown, what happens next. You may feel shame. How did I let this happen to me?(remember,you
did not "let" anything happen to you..remember who took the power). Shame about talking to someone about what happened,
kind of like being embarrassed. You may feel something is wrong with you that this happened. And Finally, you may begin to
feel relief. Relief that you don't have to hide it any more, you can talk about it now and you don';t have to worry anymore
about "what if someone finds out." Relief that you can begin to find your true self again and let the world see
who you really are. Have you ever wondered how others see you and how you treat others? Others
may see you as an angry or hateful person. They may see you as a loner. They may see you as someone that doesn't care about
anyone or anything. Alot of these things are put out there for others to see. These things are used to "mask" what
the real issue is. It is a whole lot easier to let others see this stuff than to see a scared, frightened, or depressed
person. How do you really want people to see you? Do you ever find yourself taking away someone else's power? Are you
controling someone else? It is important for you to learn how to manage your power. How does your use of power affect
others. Do your actions make others feel like you do most of the time? Is it fair to them? Do you say to yourself "Hey
I am miserable, so everyone should be?" Think about it, You are at this page of Rage against Abuse because you want to
make some changes right? So why not make changes in the way you treat others. It will help you as you grow older and follow
through on that promise you made to yourself to never treat your family the way you were treated. Besides, what if that person
who's power you are taking is struggling as you are and now they have more than one person trying to take their power? A few stray notes....But very important notes! As you are figuring out this whole "Break
the cycle" deal, a few things to remember.You are not the problem. It is not your fault that you have been abused!!!
(this one gets forgotten alot), please don't ever forget this! Another difficult but needed thing to do is to accept that
your past was not perfect. Go ahead an acknowledge that as a result of the abuse in your life some dreams you had were lost.
These things are true and you can't change the facts. But we have to move past these stumbling blocks. Can you truly go back
and make your past perfect? Can you go back and change the a dream and ideas you had for a great family vacation when
you were ten when you are know 16? We have to face that fact. We can't make those changes. However, we can work
on the feelings and emotions we had about the past. We can then let them go. We can begin to Heal the emotional scars
and keep moving forward. Please continue your Journey through the Rage against Abuse website. Make some decisions for yourself..not
for anyone else, but for you! If you want some more guidance check ou the guidance page, if you are unsure if what is happening
to you is abuse, check out the "What is abuse page." If you are ready to move forward and Take your Power and Control
back, decide what you are going to do and how you are going to do it. Include who is going to help you and how will you seek
out that persons help. It is time to believe in yoursel and believe that this is your first in many steps towards "breaking
the Cycle" of abuse in your life! I wish you well on your Journey.
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